Spring Cleaning for Your Relationship
As spring brings new beginnings, it is a time of year when people also clean out the old to make way for the new. Oftentimes, this looks like cleaning out closets, cabinets, and clothing. In fact, it's the second time during the year that this typically occurs - with New Year's being the first. Instead of focusing on the physical, what if we focused on cleaning something deeper, something more important, something that means more than we can possibly express - our relationships?
The first place to begin a relationship spring cleaning is by changing the way we view relationships in general and understanding that our unwanted relationship habits are not permanent. Sometimes, when we get into specific patterns or habits, it feels like they are impossible to change and that "it's just how things are." Simply put, we believe that we can't teach old dogs new tricks. Now, I know some of our readers are thinking, "Yeah, but it takes two people to make a relationship - so what if the other person isn't willing to change?" This is a great question and one that can be handled in many ways.
The first way might look like sitting down and having an open conversation and dialogue about just one thing you'd like to work on together. For example, we've all been there - trying to start or change new habits but finding it difficult. Did you notice I used the word habits? When we try to change or start too many things atone time, it becomes more difficult to maintain, which leads to stopping what we started and can then lead to a sense of failure.
So to start, think about one small change you'd like to chat about with your partner.
If an open dialogue isn't something you believe can happen with your partner right now, then there's still another conversation to be had - with yourself. As people, we are very good at this, but sometimes it is hard or painful to acknowledge important topics or issues within ourselves. But it is a great first step if your partner is not willing to participate at the moment.
So how do we have this conversation?
1. Give Yourself Grace
One of my favorite things to acknowledge when speaking with couples is that we are living a human experience. What this means is that we are not perfect. We will fail, we will win, we will be generous and kind, and we will be selfish and rude. As humans, we do well with what we know, but we also have the ability to do better and grow. So, in this moment, take some time to acknowledge how you have been a great partner and how you could do better - and understand that you can still grow and move the needle...
2. Consider Your Partner's Love Map
It can be easy to get into a rut or routine and live life on autopilot. This might look like only having logistical conversations within your household, doing the same activities for "fun," or never thinking beyond the stereotypical. Ask yourself: Are you really doing the little things or acknowledging the inner world of your partner? If your partner enjoys a specific beverage, are you taking the time to make or get that beverage for them after a long day? As the partner, are you showing appreciation for this small act with words of affirmation or physical touch, like a long hug?
3. Implement Small and with Intention
When looking to make changes within ourselves or our environment, we tend to make them big and sweeping. For instance, individuals tend to "love bomb" when trying to improve their relationships. Not only are these actions unsustainable, but their budget usually isn't either.Instead, make small changes that are easy to stick with and can already be added to your daily routine. A great example would be starting your partner's vehicle at the same time as you start yours if you tend to leave for work around the same time - especially for people who appreciate acts of service. Ultimately, the goal is to begin adding small "I love yous" daily to increase your connection.
Any time is a perfect time to begin deepening and strengthening your relationship - but as human psychology goes, specific moments in time seem to be a better starting point. So let spring be that starting point for you and your relationship.
